Tiger In Law
by shegal92
Summary: Drakken meets woman. Drakken falls for woman. Drakken proposes to woman. Woman says "yes". Unfortunetely for Drakken, her 120 pound Bengal tigress/daughter doesn't like him or Shego and will do anything to keep them away from her mother.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own who I own, which are the ones you don't see in the show. Hopefully Disney knows its own characters.

_December 11, 1985_

_I'm glad I'm in Africa instead of Go City for the winter. I'm sure it's freezing by now. Deroga is being secretive about something. I'm trying to learn from the other men what he is planning, but they are excluding me lately. Some natural exclusion is expected from me being a woman, but so much is unusual._

_Mateo invited me to dinner at his home. This is monumental for our research. Never before have any of us been able to have contact with an infant kitten. Not really an infant; Jezebel's second is about six months. First child under the age of six, then. _

_I'm excited of my acceptance into the community. Though it's still ideal to be accompanied by one of them, I can come and go without suspicion. A few even greeted me as I went through the culegere with Mateo. I can't ever feel comfortable around anyone except for Mateo's family, however. Confidence could get me killed. _

_We were stopped by the ovejas. Zudora and Azura were glad to see me...metaphorically. Mateo told them of our plans, and they said they would leave us be. _

_"However, Mateo," Zudora warned, "I see the end. Soon. We must cut off our connection with the ceuxchauve, perhaps even..." she trailed off. I bowed my head submissively and Mateo sent a questioning glance towards me._

_"Oh, no. Zudora wasn't talking about her. Charlotte is safe," Azura assured him. Mateo nodded in an of-course-I'm-right manner. Azura was quiet and then spoke again, "Your girls are going to be essential to our survival, Tigrese especially. I don't see what her destiny will be, but she is going to have a hard life. Celeste will make her strong enough to endure, though." We thanked them and continued. After meeting Tigrese, though, I can tell she is special._

_The smell of something burning caused Mateo and I to rush inside. There, kneeling by the hearth, was Jezebel with a stone slab of burnt meat. She frowned as she looked at me and I couldn't help but laugh._

_"Stop it," she commanded._

_"Oh, Jezzie, you didn't have to."_

_"I did, and I set it on fire," she grumbled, not used to being imperfect. _

_"I like my meat well done, anyway," I assured her. Mateo kneeled down and kissed his wife. _

_"Where are the girls?" He purred._

_"Playing in the spare sala. Everyone __**else's**__ dinner is ready," Jezebel stood up and went to the sepen. _

_Mateo accompanied me into the spare room. Celeste was growling, down on her hands and knees, batting at a small kitten the size of a Chihuahua. The kitten had the same red-orange pelt as her mother and sister, her fire red hair barely an inch long. Her paws had not yet separated into fingers or toes, her tail whipping excitedly as she danced around her older sister. Celeste scented me and stood up. She grinned. _

_"Charlotte," she greeted me warmly. The kitten batted at Celeste's feet, mewing questioningly, and then noticed me. _

_She stalked towards me very deliberately. I crouched down and slowly offered my hand. I looked at Mateo and he nodded his head approvingly. She sniffed my hand, glared at me, and then growled. I laughed; it wasn't the low growl of the older ones, more in the "purr" category. This only further angered her and it turned into a high pitched squeal of rage. Celeste laughed, scooping her up and purring to soothe her. _

_"All right," Jezebel called. I followed them back into the hearth sala. Jezebel had saved my...I'm not sure what meat it was, by scraping off the burnt sections._

_I sat a fair distance away. Mateo and Jezebel brushed against each other, and Celeste near her mother's side but not as close. They watched amused as Tigrese stalked around me, pounced on me, chewed on my necklace, and tugged on my sleeve as I attempted to eat. She let it be known that she was boss and that I was an outsider. _

_Oh...I was so scared at one point. Tigrese had sunken her fangs into my hand and I had snarled, ripping my hand away. Next thing I knew, Jezebel was lunging towards me, Celeste on her feet. I thought for sure I had acted wrong; a mother's instinct to protect her kitten overpowered her sense. She would tear me apart in seconds without hesitence. However, it wasn't me she was admonishing. Tigrese yelped as Jezebel bowled her over. She gave a warning growl and Tigrese went to go sulk by her sister. Eventually, they accepted her again._

_I watched them and realized how badly I wanted my own family. Exactly like theirs, with a loving husband and two beautiful daughters. It became painful to watch and even now, back at the camp, I feel an ache in my chest. I know I will not settle for anyone less than Mr. Perfect._

**Twenty-Two Years Later**

"Single Blue Male Looking for Life Partner. 42. Intelligent, funny, very evil. Contact me at ," Shego glanced up at her boss, "You put this in print?"

"Yes. It doesn't quite cover all my assets, but there was a word limit," Shego swallowed the bile rising in her throat. Drakken looked innocently at her, "Did I say something wrong?"

"Let's start off with the fact that you're posting a personal ad in a villain magazine. That alone screams how desperate you are. Do you know the meaning of "life partner"?"

"A person you want to spend the rest of your life with," Drakken said matter-of-factly. Shego sighed.

"Just so you aren't surprised when you get strange e-mails... According to the latest slang, "life partner" suggests you're looking for someone of your own sex," Drakken's eyes widened. Shego laughed, "Yeah, exactly," Drakken bristled.

"You're the one who told me to get a girlfriend!"

"Did I suggest this method?" She held up her Villain's Digest. She shook her head, "I reeeeally don't want to intervene in your love life, Dr. D, but desperate men call for women who know what they're doing."

"When's the last time YOU had a boyfriend?"

"That's none of your business," Shego sighed, "This is not the way to get an even decent date, nonetheless a lifetime companion. Now, I'm pretty sure one of my friends knows _someone_ your own age, I'll call them up, bla, bla, bla, bla, bla," Drakken tuned Shego out. He had a good feeling about this.

&&&

Well, Shego was right about the strange e-mails, he thought dismally. A month had passed and the only e-mails he had received were from his friends teasing him about his "life partner" or honest e-mails from other men.

He had given up all hope when an e-mail came up from a "Charlotte Mistress". The first name sounded very promising. He opened it up.

_Dear Sir (since you did not care to give your name),_

_I'm replying to the personal ad you placed in the last issue of Villain's Digest. I'm sorry I haven't replied sooner; I've been traveling abroad and also, frankly, wasn't sure how to begin._

_I know you said you're looking for a life partner, but I'm taking the risk anyway. You sound like a fascinating man. I am a 40-year-old woman originally from Russia. I have a daughter, Artemis, who is 22. I also have a young Bengal tigress named Hilary. _

Drakken read the line five times before it sank in. This woman, Charlotte, owned a tiger. Drakken shook his head. His henchgirl had glowing green hands. He wasn't in a position to judge.

_I am also an entrepreneur. I dabble in different business networks, investing and so. I know, nothing worse than an independent 40-year-old virgin with baggage. If you haven't already run, I'd love to hear from you._

_-Charlotte_

Drakken immediately began on his reply.

_Dear Charlotte,_

_I am Drew Lipsky, AKA: Dr. Drakken. Perhaps you've heard of me? I am an evil scientist bent on world conquest with a lair and a female lair mate/hench girl the same age as your daughter. How's that for chasing someone away?_

_I find nothing wrong with an independent 40-year-old virgin with baggage. I'm a 42-year-old virgin._

That sounds stupid, Drakken thought. She probably thinks you're pathetic. His finger hovered over the "delete" key, but then he withdrew. This was him, wasn't it? Did he want her to fall in love with someone that he wasn't? He pressed the "send" button before he lost his nerve.

A reply came within ten minutes.

_That makes me feel better. It seems nowadays men don't wait for marriage. And I have heard of you. As a side note, it's going to take a lot more than that to chase me away ;) _

The e-mails turned into instant messaging a short time later. A month and a half of IM everyday built a strange intimacy between the two. And then, one day, the big question came up.

**Charlotte Mistress: **It's been six weeks.

**K****rackalackindrakken**: It has, hasn't it?

**Charlotte Mistress**: Don't you think it's about time we met in person? Despite the law of "never meet people you know only online in person", lol.

Drakken hesitated. It wasn't her; he trusted her oddly enough. It was him. What if she didn't think he was handsome? What if he repulsed this wonderful woman away just because of his looks?

**Charlotte Mistress**: ...still there?

**K****rackalackindrakken**: Yeah, just thinking.

He took a deep breath.

**K****rackalackindrakken**: When and where?

**Charlotte Mistress**: Actually, I'm in Venice on business right now.

He didn't even pause.

**K****rackalackindrakken**: When?

There was a few minutes wait. Drakken's heart pounded as he prayed for the next message to come. Just when he was about to go back to watching the latest thing from The Onion, there was a blip noise. He eagerly pulled up the window.

**Charlotte Mistress**: Sorry, I had to get my scheduler. Friday afternoon is open. I know this quaint little cafe by a canal.

**K****rackalackindrakken**: Sounds great. What time?

**Charlotte Mistress**: Five work for you?

**K****rackalackindrakken**: It's a date ;)

"SHEGO!"

"I'm right here," she muttered, rubbing at her injured ear drum. Drakken signed out of messenger with a quick "see ya on Friday".

"I need you to look after the lair while I'm gone on Friday," Shego chuckled and plugged her nose.

"Are you going to be chatting with hot babes online all day?" She asked nasally like Pip from Napoleon Dynamite.

"No-o. I'm going on a date with the lovely Charlotte in Venice, Italy," Shego's eyebrows raised.

"Really?"

"Real-ly."

"Okay, stop with the two syllable emphasis."

There was a small smile on Shego's lips. It caused Drakken to smile. That was all Shego was going to say about this... for right now, anyway.

&&&

The sun gleamed off of the Mediterrean sea like stained glass. Or, at least the water from the Mediterrean sea, he corrected himself. He had always wanted to go to Venice, Italy; the city "floating" on the water. The gondala guider driver person stuck the pole into the canal and pushed off, the small boat gliding with an incomparable grace. They approached a corner of a block with an outdoor cafe. The gondala stopped at the cafe. Drakken's heart beat wildly.

"Signore, I believe this is your stop," he told him.

The sunlight glinted off the hair of a radiant brunette, her hands in her lap. She glanced casually around. Her piercing sapphire eyes met his. Drakken stood up. Was this Charlotte? He went to step up onto the street.

His foot missed and he slipped into the canal. It wasn't that deep and he came up quickly, flushing a strange shade of purple.

A white gloved hand was extended down to him. He sheepishly took it.

"Are you all right?" The brunette asked, helping him out. She had a heavy Russian accent.

"Yeah," he grumbled. She smiled and laughed, and he laughed too, as he squeezed some water out of his sleeves.

"Drew?" She asked. His eyes lit up.

"Charlotte!"

He looked at her with new eyes. Her brown hair was complimented with natural highlights, and those piercing sapphire eyes were breath taking. Her figure was perfect, Barbie doll perfection, with lovely feminine curves. Her navy blue business suit fit her as though tailored specifically for her; a blazer, a skirt, and a white blouse. She wore nylons with black heels, her skin having a healthy glow. On her right cheek was a red scar, the same size and curve as his.

"Miss Mistress?" He questioned. It was her turn to be sheepish.

"Yes," she admitted.

"...Wow," Was all he could say about that, and about her. She was so, so amazing. He felt like he was going to wake up at any minute.

"I, um, have a table already," she motioned to it. They both sat down.

"Wow. _The_ Miss Mistress. Entrepreneur, scientist and crime lordess extraordinare," he murmured.

"Does that bother you?" She asked worriedly.

"No, not at all. Hello, super villain?" He pointed at himself. She shook her head.

"I don't know. Some persons are bothered," she murmured. He glanced at the menu.

"I have no idea what any of this stuff says," he admitted. She laughed.

"Do you mind if I order for you?"

"Be my guest."

The waiter came and they had a short Italian conversation. Drakken listened intently to her lovely accent, her subtle movements. She was so beautiful. She turned back to him, her demeanor almost shy. Shyness and the publicly comfortable Miss Mistress he knew of didn't match. Actually, it was very hard to grasp that Charlotte and Miss Mistress were the same person. The initial awkwardness wore off quickly and they were soon talking like old friends. He filled her in on his latest exploits and she on hers. They discussed the latest headlines, politics, moral issues, etc. She mentioned how beautiful the changing leaves were in her neighborhood and he inquired as to where she lived.

"Go City," she said simply. He raised half of his eyebrow.

"Go City?"

"Never heard of it, have you?" She asked.

"I've heard of Go City," he said, "Ever run across Team Go?"

Her sparkling eyes transformed into a raging storm the second he ended "team" and began to say "go". She looked...intimidating. He shrank back in his seat.

"Yes. Yes I have," she said coldly, sealing the subject. The storm passed. She set down her glass of water, "It's the only city in the world that has the anonymitity of a 500 population town. A lot of...misfits find their home there," she chose her words carefully.

"I passed through there once," Drakken said, "Seems a lot like Washington, D.C. You'd have to spend weeks in order to do it all."

"Half the things aren't worth the time. I'll have to show you around sometime." That was the conversation that made Drakken grateful he hadn't told her about Shego yet, and made him decide telling her would have to be at the perfect, perfect time.

They walked through Venice into the late hours of the night, when they finally decided to go their separate ways and agreed on another date, this time in Paris. Drakken tried not to make a sound as he slipped in, the sun just rising.

"Drew Theodore P. Lipsky."

"DOODLES!" Drakken jumped back. Shego smirked in amusement.

"What are you doing running around in Venice into the early pre-dawn hours with a woman named Charlotte?" She teased.

"Talking," Shego leaned against the wall.

"Talking? Just talking?"

"Yeah," she laughed.

"I didn't just come out of my mother, Drewbie, or just out of elementary school. I know what happens when a grown man and a grown woman get together..."

"Shego, it wasn't like that."

"I know. Just messing with you," she patted his shoulder affectionately, "Get some shut-eye, will ya?" She began to walk away.

"Shego?" She paused and turned around, "Do you have any connection to...Miss Mistress?"

Shego's eyes clouded the exact same way as hers had when mentioning Team Go, except for her anger was a lot more visible than Charlotte's. Her teeth gritted and her hands lit up.

"Don't _even_-"

"All right, all right, just wondering," he said defensively. Her hands returned to normal and she began walking towards the kitchen. She paused and then looked at him, shocked.

"You're not saying that your Charlotte _is_ Miss Mistress, are you?"

"I didn't say that," Shego eased, but still looked upset at the mention of Miss Mistress. And he hadn't said that Charlotte was the same as Miss Mistress. Out loud.

Months and months passed. Drakken and Charlotte saw each other a couple of times every week, and spoke over the phone or IMed every day. Their friendship blossomed into a strong, respectful relationship; not the fantasy kind you dream of when you're young, but the lasting steel-strong one that you dream of when you're older. Drakken realized that this was it, the woman he had been waiting for. He went to his mother's house, took his grandmother's engagement ring, and called Charlotte up.

"What are your coordinates?"

"...Drew?"

"Yes, it's me."

"Why do you want my coordinates?"

"I'm picking you up for a surprise."

"Where are you?"

"Hovering over Go City."

"You should be able to see my lair, then. It's in the mountains, the one with the earthen brown roof."

"I see it. Bring your parka, it's going to be cold."

Charlotte came out with a thick coat on and got into Drakken's UFO. He blindfolded her without explaining why. They flew over the Atlantic and talked. She shivered slightly as the air became colder.

"Drew, where _are_ you going?" He grinned.

"You'll see," he said slyly.

He landed and helped her out. He positioned her.

"Are you ready?"

"For you to stop being so mysterious? Yes."

"All right. Close your eyes," she obeyed and felt the blind fold slip off, "Now, open them."

Charlotte gasped. Colors danced in the sky, mostly blues and pinks and especially greens.

"Aurora Borealis," she murmured.

"Yes," he agreed, "My hench girl came up with the idea, actually. She commented how romantic the northern lights were one night and well..." Charlotte glanced over as she heard a thud. She laughed, "Falling again?" She asked. He grinned sheepishly as he got up off the ice, one knee bent down still. Just like their first date, she thought dreamily. She offered her hand.

"Falling is definitely the word," he reached into his jacket, "I know it should be longer until this, but I just know you're the woman for me. I want to spend the rest of my life with you," Her heart beat as he revealed a small velvet box. After fumbling a bit, he managed to open it to reveal a diamond ring, "Would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" Charlotte grinned.

"Yes. Yes!" She exclaimed, trying not to cry. He got back up and they embraced.

&&&

Shego awaited eagerly for the news. She'd seen the ring, and she knew about Drakken's northern lights stunt. Her flames flickered as she thought about what kind of heartless witch would turn down Dr. D.

The door open and she lept to her feet. Drakken kept his face carefully composed as he walked in. Shego pinned him against the wall.

"All right, I don't want any games. Yes or no?"

"Yes or no what?" He said slyly, staring at the ground. She shook him.

"YOU. KNOW. WHAT." She anunciated. A smile slipped from him.

"Yes."

"Yes?"

"Yes."

"Oh, Dr. D!" She exclaimed, hugging him, "I'm so happy for you!" He embraced her as well, as much as he could in her boa constrictor grip.

"I'm so happy, too."

"When do I get to meet her?"

"Next week at the Bermuda Triangle, her and her daughter."

"I can't wait!"

&&&

"Why, Tigress? Why is it the food on my plate is _so_ much more appetizing than the food on your own?" Golden Arrow asked. Tigress just grinned, her tail flicking from side to side in amusement.

"Because it isn't mine," she purred simply, popping the stolen bit of steak into her mouth. Golden Arrow pointed her fork at her.

"I'll stab you the next time your thieving habits kick in, got it?"

It had been a long time since the three of them had been together, nonetheless sat down for a family dinner. Golden Arrow had quietly been trying to slip out of the crime world, Tigress had been working on her business investments, and Miss Mistress was engrossed with her own agenda. Taking her mind off of annoying her sister for one moment, Tigress noticed Miss Mistress's anxiety. Golden Arrow watched them both, wondering about the odd silence. Miss Mistress found it the perfect time.

"Girls, there is a reason why I called you to stay with me for a couple weeks. There is a man..." Tigress immediately bristled. Miss Mistress shot her a glare from across the table, "It isn't anything bad; certainly nothing to get your tail in a bunch over."

"Did you tell him everything this time?" Golden Arrow asked. Tigress's fork snaked towards her plate. She yowled as Golden Arrow, without so much as looking away from Miss Mistress, drove the tines of her fork into Tigress's hand.

"She warned you," Miss Mistress said unsympathetically. She sighed, "I've been painfully honest with him. The only thing I may have not explained fully to was Tigress's unique physique," she stabbed a chunk of steak, "This time, I told him I had one daughter and a young tigress, instead of two daughters. He accepted that well."

"Is he going to be one of those weird skittish ones that everytime I move, they flinch? Or is he going to run out of the room screaming? Or will he try to shoot me? Or maybe he'll turn me into the ASPCA, that's always fun," Tigress said blandly, finishing her meat.

"I don't know how he'll react. It sounds like he's had his share of weirdness, though."

"Who's the guy?"

"Drew. Drew Lipsky," Golden Arrow tensed. Tigress choked. Miss Mistress looked at her worriedly. Tigress shook her head from side to side.

"No. Hell no. Drop him, now," she snarled.

"Do you know him?"

"Of course I do. I'm surprised you _don't_. Break it off with him!"

"Don't tell me what to do," Miss Mistress growled coldly.

"Oh no," Golden Arrow groaned.

"Yes, oh no. _Huge_ oh no. There is no way I-"

"Tigress, it's too late," Golden Arrow said softly. Tigress spun around.

"What do you mean?!"

Golden Arrow pointed out Miss Mistress's engagement ring. Tigress let out an enraged snarl and stormed away, leaving her vegetables untouched on her plate.

&&&&&&

This is actually a story I found while going through my files. I got through the first couple chapters, but stopped. I'm glad I did now; it was a little awkward with the slight DS and being engaged to a woman. Plus, I didn't want to smash Drakken's fragile heart like that :( But I really liked the idea and didn't want to give up completely on the plotline. So, here's the new version, with actual fiance love and minimal Drakken heartbreak. Those who have read my previous stories are like "oh crap, the fur is going to fly once the sidekicks meet and find out". Those who just picked this story randomly are either putting the pieces together, or totally confused by the OCs. Don't worry, newcomers and oldcomers, the past will be explained in the next chapter.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Drakken, Shego, Team Go, Ron, or Kim. Or anyone else you see on t.v.

"Why do you want her driver's license number? How would I even know that information?" Shego shrugged.

"Hey, if she's a villainess, you may want that info. Also, you can look up her record online," Drakken rolled his eyes. He knew Protective Shego was going to visit at some time, but still. He was a grown man; he could look after himself.

He glanced over at his partner.

"What's the website? For curiosity's sake," he said sheepishly. She straightened his navy blue tie.

"Come on, killer," she teased.

Shego had worn a simple yet flattering emerald dress with slits to her knees. Drakken had sprung for a simple black suit and white button-up shirt. They walked into the Bermuda Triangle.

"Do you have a reservation?" The hostess asked a young woman with a knee length black dress. Her long blonde hair was twisted into a complicated bun. She turned as they came in and Drakken saw her doe brown eyes.

"What are you doing here, Golden Arrow?" Shego said in the surprised way when friends meet unexpectedly. They embraced.

"You're not going to be happy," she grumbled. She turned back to the hostess, "Yes. 5 for...Drewbie," Shego raised an eyebrow. Golden Arrow shook her head. The hostess picked up five menus.

"This way, please."

Drakken trailed behind the two women, a little confused. The reservation was for five? But it was only him, Shego, Charlotte, and Artemis.

"You look like Tigress got to you," Shego commented, glancing down as the girl awkwardly wobbled on high heels.

"Oh yeah, but my main concern is keeping you alive. We got two women out for blood tonight; right now Tigress is pitching a royal tiger fit and Miss Mistress is trying to calm both her and herself down enough to make it through dinner," Shego spun to face Drakken.

"You said your Charlotte was not Miss Mistress!" She exclaimed.

"I never said that!" He insisted.

"Here you are," the hostess spread the menus out around the round table. Golden Arrow sat on Shego's right and Drakken sat on her left.

"I don't see what the big deal is," he murmured. Golden Arrow and Shego looked at him disbelievingly.

"She was my worst enemy," Shego said. Drakken furrowed his eyebrow.

"I thought that was the bird guy," they both snorted.

"No, you're thinking of Hego's decided arch enemy. No, my worst enemies are Tigress and then Miss Mistress. They made my life he-"

"They're coming," Golden Arrow said, standing up. Shego followed, and then Drakken.

Drakken's heart swelled as he saw Charlotte. She was in a sleek blue dress with white gloves. She was chiding someone behind her and looked rather upset. She turned and saw him. Her frown turned into a smile.

She moved out of the way and Drakken's eyes widened. She had brought her tigress; he could clearly see the orange and black striped fur, the cattish features, and especially the tail whipping irritably back and forth from underneath the hem of the dress. But she was human-like in almost every other way; she stood on two legs and her shape was primarily humanoid. Her fiery red hair was pulled up like her sister's, but her brown eyes showed no white, darting between Shego and Drakken with an intense hatred. Her black dress was sleeveless and was just long enough to not be considered absolutely inappropriate. She stormed gracefully towards the table in impossibly high heels, a black choker with a crescent moon around her neck. He thought wryly about how it looked like a collar.

"I see you've already met Artemis," Miss Mistress rested her hand on his shoulder. They kissed. A growl ripped from Tigress's throat. Mistress shot her a glare.

"And I see you brought your "tigress"," Drakken teased. Miss Mistress smiled sheepishly.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you the...full truth. But to be fair, you weren't telling me the full truth, either," she gave a meaningful glance at Shego. Shego straightened a little.

"Miss Mistress," she said cautiously. She turned to her.

"Cego, you..." Miss Mistress began, but seemed to be at a loss for words, or was choosing them wisely. She looked Shego up and down a couple of times. The stiff silence wore on and Miss Mistress finally surrendered to the old reliable, "You've grown."

"It has been awhile," Shego emphasized. They stood awkwardly watching each other for a moment.

Drakken glanced between the two women, unsure of how to take their interaction. Was it better than it had been however many years ago when Shego had been a teenaged superheroine, or was it worse now? Past a surface of loathing, he had no idea how they felt towards each other. He had been careful to avoid the tigress's eyes, boring through him.

"This is what you promised to marry?" She hissed.

"Hilary..." Miss Mistress warned. Drakken managed to lift his eyes, not all the way to hers, but he at least made it to her face.

"You must be Hilary," he said. She snorted.

"Wow, he's a bright one. So few people state the obvious nowadays," she held out her hand, "FYI, it's Tigress."

Drakken took her hand and shook it. Her fingers curled, her sharp nails digging into his skin. He winced, but didn't say anything. They dug in harder and a whimper came out of his throat.

"Enough," Miss Mistress said firmly, positioning herself between Tigress and Drakken. Tigress gave a long murdering glare, and then settled for the seat between her mother and sister.

"I'm sorry about Hilary," Miss Mistress immediately apologized, "She's not fond of surprises."

"Looks like Jail Bait brought his little law whore along," Tigress growled. Shego smirked.

"Just wouldn't be a horrible evening without you, would it?" She joked bitterly.

"I could say the same for you."

"I wish you would've just stayed in your little cat cave."

"I wish you were dead."

"I wish Drakken had never fallen in love with Miss Mistress!"

"I wish you had never been born!"

"I don't know about y'all, but I'm starving," Golden Arrow intervened. Tigress and Shego gave each other glares, but turned to the menus.

"What are you going to get, Drew?" Charlotte asked. Drakken gave her a bewildered look.

"You're just going to ignore that?" She looked questioning at him.

"They aren't diving for each others' throats yet. I consider that a major show of cordiality between them," Shego, Tigress, and Golden Arrow all laughed bitterly at this and Miss Mistress smiled. Seemed like a joke he wasn't in on.

There was a stiff silence as they decided what they were going to order. Drakken could clearly see the alliances, divided like two divorcees and their children going into a marriage. Golden Arrow seemed to be between the two sides, friends with Shego yet daughter of Miss Mistress. She carefully watched Shego and Tigress over her menu.

The waitress returned, looking a bit surprised at the table's new occupants. She quickly regained her bearings.

"What would you all like to drink?" She asked.

"Water for me," Golden Arrow said with a smile.

"Ditto," Shego said. She jerked her thumb towards Tigress, "A milk for the kitty," she growled.

"Ignore her," Tigress seethed, "Miller Light," she looked at Drakken as though trying to see his reaction. He was careful, hoping not to show the wrong emotion.

Mistress ordered a water as well, while Drakken ordered a Pepsi. Tigress's eyes did not leave him as they waited for their beverages. Drakken squirmed underneath them like amoeba under a microscope.

"Why are you staring at me?" He asked. She smirked.

"Why not?" A low rumble that sounded almost like a laugh gurgled in her throat, "Does it make you nervous?"

"No," he insisted. Charlotte looked curiously at him, but didn't say anything.

Tigress continued her intimidating stare until the drinks were brought. Her gaze broke long enough to pick up the glass and take a sip.

"So, Cego, do you see your brothers often?" Charlotte asked, avoiding eye contact. Tigress gave a degrading snort.

"Oh yeah, they have reunion missions periodically, right?" A sick smile crept onto her lips. Shego grit her teeth.

"Twice, and that was after three years of being separated. It's only because they're too pathetic to stand up against those who are trying to make a comeback," she looked pointedly at Tigress.

"Then why do you continue to wear your old uniform?"

"Why not? I don't know if you've noticed, but suits of this durability are pretty hard to come by, and rather expensive," Shego flexed her fingers as though feeling uncomfortable without gloves over them. Charlotte looked dubiously at Shego, and decided not to press the subject.

The waitress came back and they all placed their orders. Drakken felt like he had made a huge mistake as he caught Tigress's eye again.

"Prime rib," she stated, holding Drakken's gaze. That sickening smile came onto her face, "Don't bother cooking it. I like my meat _raw_," Drakken's stomach dropped as a scream rose in his throat. He stifled it, but couldn't stop his shaking hands.

Charlotte rested her hand on top of his.

"Are you all right?" She asked. He gave a small nod as Tigress's burning eyes refused to even so much as blink.

"Yes," he breathed, "Just a little…cold is all."

"Didn't your mother ever teach you it's not polite to stare?" Shego said icily, noticing the real reason behind Drakken's turmoil. Charlotte fixed her eyes on Shego with a stony glare. Shego shrank back as she realized her blunder, "Oops, sorry. Knee-jerk statement."

The evening was filled with a smorgasbord of awkward, tense, and terrifying moments. Drakken had never seen Charlotte act so resentful towards anyone. Shego may not have been a role model citizen, but he was sure that she had never done anything to deserve the acidic glances and occasional passive-aggressive remarks. She had never acted anywhere near this mean to anyone in front of him, and even he could tell Shego was about one sentence away from being shot by Miss Mistress. Tigress was much more outgoing of her loathing; she fed more off of his fear and Shego's hatred of her than her straight-off-the-cow dinner. Shego grit her teeth, clenched her fists, and endured the rude comments from Tigress like a student who couldn't afford to get into trouble one more time and the school bully knew it. Golden Arrow tried to alleviate the tension, making jokes if the conversation (as it undoubtedly did) turned towards the not-too-distant past. She attempted to divert attention from the rivalry, calm everyone down, defend Shego and kept on Tigress about "not scaring the blue fiancé away".

She had quickly become one of his favorite people.

Finally, after the check was fought over and paid for by Charlotte (pure manliness mocking fodder for Tigress), they headed outside. At least the night was beautiful, Drakken thought, seeing no other silver lining. Charlotte gave him an exhausted smile.

"Well, it appears that mountain has been climbed. The awkward first meeting," she rubbed his shoulder, "I'm sure Tigress will warm up to you once you get to know her," …he seriously doubted that.

"Like how you will warm up to Shego?" He asked. She bit her lip.

"Yes, I suppose I must," her tone was borderline bitter. She kissed him on the cheek, "Shall we discuss Phase 2?"

"Phase 2?" Drakken asked. She glanced away.

"Moving in together."

"Oh. Well I'm a bit old-fashioned…"

"As am I, but I believe we should test this," he smirked.

"You mean all coexist without trying to kill each other?"

"Precisely."

"There's one," Golden Arrow murmured as Tigress walked out the door, looking completely at ease. She glanced innocently at Golden Arrow's probing eyes.

"What?"

"You know exactly "what". Where's Shego?"

"What am I, her keeper?" Tigress shrugged, "I went into the bathroom after her, but I didn't see her come out."

There was a pause and then Drakken let out a low whimper.

"You killed her, didn't you?" He said mournfully. Golden Arrow shook her head.

"Not even Tigress could kill and stash a body that fast," she said, trying to be reassuring. Tigress frowned, as though put off at the lack of faith in her execution skills.

The door flew open a second time and Shego stormed out, noticeably soaked. Her hair was especially wet, looking like a mop as she flipped it out of her face.

"How juvenile was that?! Seriously, like middle school, elementary maybe?!" She screeched. Tigress snickered.

"Aw, come on, Shego. You're just mad I snuck up on you like that," she purred.

"You knocked open my stall door and shoved my head in the toilet!" Tigress's playful expression suddenly turned very seriously.

"I'm just getting warmed up," she growled.

Drakken exchanged glances with Miss Mistress. They wanted to put these two in the same_ lair_? With weapons and opportunities galore? Then again, if they were getting married, it was only a matter of time.

"When shall we move in?" He inquired.

&&&&&

Please review.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Drakken, Shego, Team Go, Ron, or Kim. Or anyone else you see on t.v.

"Have you ever owned a cat, Drakken?" Shego asked, setting the last box into the UFO's trunk. He glanced at her.

"My mother had a few while I was growing up."

"So you are familiar with how they are? Territorial, moody, persnickety, independent, etc.?"

"Yes…"

"You ever watch National Geographic or Discovery Channel?"

"All the time."

"Then you know how cats in the wild are? The same, only seventy times more ferocious and bloodthirsty?"

"I guess, but I don't think they're as picky-"

"Multiply those two together and then multiply that product by a thousand. _That's_ Tigress's temperament…on a good day."

"She can't be that bad," Drakken insisted, his pitch a little higher than normal. Shego arched an eyebrow.

"I hope I know my own arch enemy by now. We've only known each other since we were four."

"Yeah, well excuse me for trying to be optimistic. I'm about to move in with a hybrid who hates me for no particular reason other than I'm going to marry her mother oh and by the way, she's trying to kill my second-in-command! And if this situation gets any worse, I just might do something involuntary and brown in my pants!" Shego winced.

"Could've gone my entire life without that last part, Dr. D. Besides, this means a lot to Miss Mistress. I mean, it's not every day your fiancé hands your enemy over."

"Shego, she wouldn't kill you. You mean too much to me," Shego gave a small smile before moving into the passenger's seat. He felt a little guilty for forcing her into such a position, but he wasn't about to choose between her and Charlotte.

The flight to Go City was quiet and uneventful. Shego seemed very absorbed by her cell phone, and Drakken found that there was plenty to think about, such as how he was going to win the cat woman over.

A ranch style lair was just visible through the trees with an earthen roof, nestled quietly into the mountainside. He swooped down, gliding above the gravel driveway. Charlotte appeared as he landed, Golden Arrow trailing behind. As he met her eyes, he remembered why he was going through this. He attempted to swing himself over the edge and down onto the ground…only succeeding in falling over onto his face. Charlotte laughed, helping him up.

"We need to stop meeting like this," she teased. Shego and Golden Arrow were already unloading the boxes.

"I've been thinking through this, trying to figure out what happens if this arrangement actually goes through," Golden Arrow murmured to Shego, grunting as she set down a box of miscellaneous inventions.

"What do you think? It'll end up a permanent team-up or something." Shego muttered.

"Actually, I was thinking about the relationships. If they both remain bosses, then are you just my coworker or would we be step hench girls?"

"I dunno," Shego rolled her eyes, jumping out of the UFO, "I'm more curious as to why the heck you'd think about that."

Drakken glanced around, trying not to shake too much. Charlotte ducked in for a quick peck.

"If you're wondering about Tigress, she went for a run not too long ago. At the very least she'll be gone for a half hour," she assured him. He tried to hide how relieved that made him. Then again, he'd have to face the beast eventually.

After a few more boxes were moved, he leaned down to glance for any other necessity before they parked it in the garage. He straightened, seeing nothing, and heard a definitive "click" coming from a tree.

Charlotte's and Golden Arrow's reactions were instantaneous. Charlotte grabbed him and pulled him to her while Golden Arrow stood in front of Shego.

"Hilary…" Charlotte growled.

"…what?" Came the sugar-coated response, startling Drakken.

"What are you doing up there?"

"…bein' curious."

"What are you so curious about with a gun?" Golden Arrow countered.

Soundlessly Tigress jumped down, a rather large machine gun in hand.

"I wanted to see how far someone shot at point blank range could fly," she said, tail swishing behind her as she looked innocently at her mother. Charlotte rolled her eyes.

"Put it back and for heaven's sake, keep the muzzle down." She spotted the "unconscious" movement as Tigress lifted the gun towards Shego.

"Unless I'm aiming to kill," she finished, an impish smile curling her lips.

"Go," Charlotte said exasperatedly, pointing towards the garage. Tigress slinked off, looking pretty proud of herself.

Charlotte took Drakken's trembling hand as he realized how close to death he had just been.

"She's just playing," she assured him. Yeah, of course she was, he reasoned. Because it was perfectly normal to "wonder", armed, while staring at your future stepfather, "Artemis, why don't you show Drew around?" Charlotte requested.

Golden Arrow gave a dubious glance at Shego, who looked more than anxious about being left alone.

"Keep your hand to the level of your eye," she advised before walking towards the door. Drakken glanced back to see Charlotte closing the distance between her and his hench girl, Shego absentmindedly moving into a defensive position.

"Aren't bygones just bygones by now? I mean, it's been _years_ since Shego was a superhero," Drakken insisted.

Golden Arrow stared blankly at him.

"…their grudges run deeper than a simple "oh, it's okay now that you're one of us"."

She left it at that, trotting up the steps to the front door. She ignored the eerie looking lion doorbell and opened the gold ostentatious handles. The twin doors swung open to a thin vestibule, a small table with a mirror hung above it to the right.

"The alarm's set every night," she warned, pointing to a box near a coat rack, "The code's 1211, but don't tell Tigger," she turned, walking backwards, "If I were you, I'd work on sleeping lighter. She _was_ trying to kill you, even if Miss Mistress was being optimistic," Drakken felt the color drain from his face. She shrugged, "Wish I could give you better news, but I think even an elementary school teacher couldn't put a good spin on this situation."

She turned rightside round and he followed her. The living room managed to be both chic and cozy at the same time, leather furniture and a massive screen t.v. Large windows let in natural light on the wood floors.

"That's Tigger's chair," she pointed to a recliner noticeably more worked in than the rest. She pointed across the hall to a door in a small nook, "And that's her pantry." Why was so much designated for just Tigress? He wondered, but didn't care to ask.

She motioned to a counter, which gave a sneak peak across to a white, spotless room.

"That's the kitchen, dining room beyond tha-" She was interrupted by a sudden rapid firing of lasers just outside the house, accompanied by Shego's furious shouting.

The door quickly opened and shut, Shego's hands still not cooled off yet. Miss Mistress followed, looking like she was just barely holding in her amusement.

"I'm sorry, I must've forgotten to change the DNA encoding for the security system," she apologized.

"Security system…because every villain has one…" Shego grumbled. Miss Mistress laughed, though she looked less amused.

"Haven't lost your sense of humor, I see."

"And over here's the training room, or gym, or play place, whatever you want to call it," Golden Arrow took the cuff of his glove and tugged him away from the pair, pointing towards a door. She moved him into the next corridor, pointing out a bathroom to the right, a guest room, a closet, and then another room she dubbed "hands off".

"No matter what you hear, don't go in there. Trust me, she wouldn't be happy."

"And by "she", you mean Tigress again?"

"Trust me, I've been in this family for a good twelve years and there's one golden rule in the house; if Tigress ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

"Twelve years?" Golden Arrow gave him a wistful smile.

"Not all kids are adopted at birth. And there's the laundry room; plenty of lint rollers in the cupboards. Now, the upstairs…" She jogged towards the staircase. Drakken followed slowly, still dwelling on her words. Had she been in foster care? He caught a glimpse of Charlotte guiding Shego towards another door, one which Golden Arrow hadn't pointed out.

As he got to the top of the stairs, she pointed to the right.

"Miss Mistress's office, lab, R&D, general mayhem and chaos center… If it's not in the garage it's probably here," she put her hands in her pockets, breezing past a red door with a sign stating "Trespassers will be violated".

"…that doesn't seem quite right. Shouldn't it say something like "no trespassers, violaters will be shot"?" Golden Arrow glanced back, tilting her head and squinting.

"Nope, that about sums up Tigress's prisoner policy," she shrugged a shoulder towards the next door a little further down, painted an earthen brown, "That's my room. Knock first, unless your entrails are falling out or something. You're safer not going into the bathroom; it connects me and Tigger's room." She moved down further to a rich forest green door, giving him a mischievous smirk, "And that's going to be your room…unless you plan on waiting until after the wedding to share a bed." Drakken's eyes widened as he caught her drift and she snickered.

She kicked her foot towards the end of the hall.

"Another guest bedroom, 'cept for this is the only one without a bathroom. You'll have to go downstairs or share Miss Mistress's. Any questions?" She turned back towards him. He sheepishly raised his hand and she rolled her eyes, "Yes, student?"

"Um, you know Tigress pretty well, don't you?" She arched an eyebrow.

"'bout as well as anyone _can_ know Tigress."

"Then maybe you could give me a few…tips. You know, because I like my entrails where they are?" His voice grew softer, clutching his stomach.

"Well the best thing to do would be to go into hiding the rest of your life, government protection programs and such. But since you're involved now… Try to keep out of her way. Agree with her, do as she says, she says "jump" you ask "how high?", show whatever emotion she wants. Shego will be the first to tell you that standing up to her is the worst thing you can do," A whimper slipped out. She smiled reassuringly, putting a hand on his shoulder, "Hey, you've got Mistress on your side; that's about as good of immunity as you can get. As long as you don't break her heart."

He shook his head rapidly.

"I would never…"

"I know that. Shego knows that. You just have to convince the duo," she glanced around as though she didn't want to be overheard, "Now, I don't go blurting out her secrets to just anyone, but because I've got a good feeling about you…" she leaned into his ear and he straightened a bit as she whispered, "She has a weakness for…bunny rabbits."

"Bunny rabbits?"

"Bunny rabbits. The fluffier, cuddlier, cuter, more adorable they are, the better. Especially white ones," she pulled back and winked, "Trust me; you get her a bunny rabbit and you'll see the happiest kitty in the world."

On cue, a door burst open downstairs.

"MISTREEEEEEESSSSS!" Shego screeched. They quickly ran downstairs.

Charlotte stood up from the couch, walking casually over to Shego and looking shocked.

"What's wrong, Cego?"

"What's wrong? What's _wrong_? Tigress just tried to cremate me alive is what's wrong!" Drakken stared at a scratched up Shego, a burn hole or two in her uniform.

Tigress walked through the door a moment later, whistling innocently as she strode in. She pretended to do a double take of Shego.

"Shego! You need to be more careful about where you trip."

"You. Shoved. Me. In-to. A. Bla-zing. Cre-ma-to-ri-um," Shego seethed.

"Towards, not into. If it was into, you wouldn't be standing here slinging accusations. I was just horsing around."

"Horsing around does not involve death threats!"

"I wasn't threatening, I was promising," Tigress growled, moving towards Shego. Charlotte sighed, shaking her head.

"You're mincing words, girls," she stood between them, looking at Shego first, "_You_ need to be more careful about what situations you get yourself into," she warned, her blue eyes blazing in a quiet fury. Shego looked about to object, but closed her mouth. She turned to Tigress, "And _you_ need to stop trying to kill off your enemies immediately. Not only is it poor planning, it's being a bad hostess and extremely tacky."

"Mom, _Shego_ is in _our_ house. _Shego_… Doesn't that mean anything to you anymore?"

"Of course it does, it means everything…" Her sentence trailed off into what sounded like she was clearing her throat. When Tigress responded in a much lighter accent, though, Drakken realized they had switched from English to Russian.

They stood toe-to-toe, arguing fervently. Had Drakken not hoped against it, it would appear that they were close to getting physical. Shego's name was fired between them like a curse word to a sailor; "Shego this" and "Shego that". Shego herself chose to align between Drakken and Golden Arrow, her angry expression breaking for a few seconds at a time to show worry and even fear.

"Go to your room!" Charlotte suddenly shouted in English, "And I don't want to see so much as your tail tip outside until dinner, do you understand?" Tigress stomped away, fists clenched and lips curled back. She spun around.

"You can't stop me from killing them! Both of them!" She shouted before continuing upwards, opening and slamming the red door shut.

Charlotte's tough demeanor melted away as her head fell into her hands.

"I raised her better than that…" she murmured. Drakken broke away from the line to wrap an arm around her shoulders, glancing worriedly upstairs in case Tigress decided she was too old for time-outs.

She straightened up, resting her head on his chest and curling into him. He wrapped his other arm around her, despite Shego's dagger-eyed glare.

"Um, sweetie? Not that this changes anything…but why do you have a crematorium in your home?" He asked. She laughed.

"Why, what else would you do with the bodies, dear?" She teased, kissing his cheek.

**III**

"She's tried to kill you. She's tried to kill me. I don't care how much you like the psychopath's equally psychotic mother, we need to get the frick out of here before one of us winds up dead," Shego hissed urgently, pacing around the guest room like a caged animal. Drakken stood near the door, swaying back and forth.

"It's just the first day. I'm sure things will calm down after a week."

"Again you underestimate Tigress. She's kept grudges longer than a snail going from New York to California," Shego shook her head, "If it wouldn't make things worse, I'd seriously consider staying with my brothers tonight."

"Charlotte seems to think there's hope," Drakken said timidly. Shego snorted and rolled her eyes.

"Did you not pay attention to the whole fight? She wasn't admonishing Tigress trying to burn me alive. Noooo, she was scolding her because she was being _tacky_."

"Well, she is a villain…"

"No, not a run-of-the-mill take-over-the-world villain. A bloodthirsty monster who would do anything to get what she wants. Once upon a time, I put her cub in jail, and now the momma bear's angry," Shego wheeled around, her eyes watering, "Dr. Drakken…I really don't want to die."

"No one's going to die, Shego," he insisted, "They will come to their senses," Shego turned her back on him as he felt a sudden breeze.

"What senses? They're crazier than an asylum of Mad Hatters, except for with gore lust. Face it, Dr. D, you proposed to a psychopathic, heartless lunatic bit-"

"Dinner's ready," Shego turned the same time as Drakken. Charlotte stood in the doorway, a blank expression on her face.

"Miss…"

"Save it," Charlotte snarled, "I tried being nice to you, I tried welcoming you into this family, and this is what you stubbornly hold onto? You and your brothers can't seem to get over the "ego" part of your names!" She shook her head, her icy eyes piercing Shego's soul, "After what you did back when you were a hero…after what you and your brother did… You'd never forgive yourselves either." She disappeared down the hallway.

Shego snorted.

"I have no idea what she's talking about. Tigress started it, not the other way around," she brushed past him as she followed Charlotte to dinner.

Drakken slowly made his way down as well, wondering what the real story was. Was Charlotte being overprotective of her daughter, or did Shego seriously mess up somehow? He sat down next to where Charlotte had set her gloves. The minute he did, Tigress strode into the dining room, glaring at Drakken.

"That's my spot," Drakken's shoulders shrugged.

"But I…"

"I always sit there. Right next to Mom," Tigress insisted, "Move."

"I…don't want to," he said meekly.

"I can't sit anywhere else," she growled.

"…yes you can."

"Get out!" She advanced. He curled up into a ball, but sat his ground.

"Drew, you might want to listen to her," Miss Mistress called from the kitchen.

"…why?"

"Because your ass is covered in hair," Tigress growled.

Drakken lifted up. True enough, the chair had been covered with a towel, fur clinging to it…and now him. He bit his lip, sheepishly standing up and surrendering the seat, trying to wipe some of it off of himself. Shego preoccupied herself from laughing by glancing at Golden Arrow, who graciously took a seat beside Tigress. Drakken sank down beside Shego, feeling Tigress's eyes but not meeting them.

Miss Mistress came out a short time later, setting the table.

"I hope you don't mind spicy foods," she said, glancing at Shego. Shego grinned.

"Love it."

Five minutes later, it looked like Shego was eating her words. Tears were pouring from her eyes, her face flushed and her jaw tight. Drakken tentatively nibbled at the potatoes. Charlotte and her daughters were eating like there was nothing odd about it.

"Now that's gumbo," Shego choked. Charlotte snickered and Tigress rolled her eyes.

The meal passed silently, save for the scraping of utensils against porcelain. Once everyone was done, Tigress stood up and quietly cleared the table while Golden Arrow went to the kitchen and started washing the dishes. Charlotte stood up and Drakken followed. He supposed dinner was over.

**III**

Drakken wandered down the hallway nervously, expecting a verbal or even physical attack. Nothing came, and all he heard was the light humming of his lover in her room. He smiled and walked with an added spring to his step.

Like a ninja, Drakken found himself pounced past the room and into the empty one, flat on his back. A clawed hand kept his jaw firmly together, yellow eyes glaring down at him.

"Listen, and listen well, jail bait. You don't deserve my mother. But, for whatever reason, she's decided you're the one. I strongly disagree," her lips curled back, "If you have _any_ self-preservation, you'll grab your little whore and run faaaaar away. My record for prolonging a death is twenty-one days. I'd love to beat it."

Tigress's hand was replaced with a gag and in a matter of seconds, his wrists and ankles were bound with rope. She stood up, brushed herself off, and walked back towards the door.

"Don't even get me started on what I'd do if I caught you two in her bed," she snarled, shutting the door behind her and locking it.

He let out a low whimper, left alone, in the dark, and helpless as her scowling face haunted him.


End file.
